With four children in the family, my parents were quick to catch on that they were going to have a rather difficult time paying for all of the education the world would require us to have so they signed up for something called the Texas Tomorrow Fund which allowed them to deposit money certain times a year which would eventually add up to enough to fund the tuition of a public university within the confines of the state of Texas. Seems like a good idea right? Right. It was. Because they did that I don't have to take out student loans or work horrible hours while my grades suffer in order to pay for school and they don't have to work horrible hours while my grades still suffer in order to pay off the expenses. What they didn't count on was that I wouldn't be satisfied with getting my whole education in Texas and that I wouldn't want to stay with them and work for the family business. This makes me sound like I'm not appreciative. On the contrary. I really, really am. I would, however like to expand on the education they've already provided me with. For those of you, if you exist, that read my Blog of BEHAGS where I talk about wanting to travel, I talk about wanting to study abroad in Italy. Well that blog was posted a few months ago when I was still a freshmen, but look! Here it is; fall 09 semester which is followed by Spring 2010 which is when I planned to go to Apicius School of Hospitality in Florence, Italy so that I could experience culture and culinary adventures that I could never have in Lubbock, Texas. I've met with my advisor and a woman that specialises in Study Abroad programmes in Italy and they've given me more information than I could ever dream of. It's quite overwhelming actually. During the 45 minute meeting with the Study Abroad lady I just sat there with my eyes wide and my mouth hanging open trying to suck it all in. There are so many things I have to fill out and so many processes I have to go through before I can be accepted. And what happens then? What if I don't get accepted. That could happen. Since there are only three of you and I don't know IRL more than half of the people reading this, I am going to tell you something that I would usually never tell anyone. My GPA. Before I do this I am going to attempt to defend myself here. Last semester I made the mistake of signing up for Public Policy and History at the same time which are very reading and work heavy classes. I got a B in History (which is way better than I thought I would get), but a D in Public Policy. I tried. I really did. Just not as much as I could have or should have. You see, I am the world's worst procrastinator/studier. I shouldn't even be allowed to... I don't know, it's just bad. I put things off and then when I should be studying I feel overconfident about the coming test and dismiss it for an activity far more exciting than sitting there revising. Then when I realise, "Oh shit, I really should be more prepared", I cram and stay up until about 1 AM the night before the test until I feel the apathy wash over me. "It'll be fine", I tell myself. "As long as you get a good nights sleep you'll be able to recall everything". Wrong. So anyway, my GPA is an average 2.66. Should be higher, I know. I'm embarrassed, OK!
The minimum GPA for the study abroad programme I'm looking at is 2.75. Now, if you're reading this then you are probably thinking something along the lines of, "But wait, your GPA is lower than the minimum required." I know, OK. I'm not that bad. I've figured that out at least. I asked the study abroad lady and she said that they are usually pretty flexible and I'm not that far below the minimum and as long as I haven't failed 5 classes I should be OK. I haven't failed any classes so that's good at least. The worst I've had is one D. Mostly Bs, a few As and a couple Cs. Cs stand for colour, right? Change the report up a bit? As if. More like C stands for child needs to get herself to the library more often to study!
Even though my study abroad advisor told me that I would be OK and that I could still go I'm still really scared that something will keep me from going. Obviously my main worry is the GPA, but I'm also worried that some other technicality will crop up and keep me stranded here while Danielle and Sarah are off in Europe. Sarah, my roommate is going to Spain and my friend Danielle is going to be right between us studying abroad in France. We were all planing on doing some European touring when we had breaks and stuff as well as after school was overin the summer (why waste the airfare?). If I can't go then the thought of them all over Europe and me stuck here is the most horrible thing and I can't help being terrified that that thought will become a reality. What if I do get in but I don't have a way of paying for it? I don't want to go to my parents for this. They're not exactly thrilled about this decision of mine and even if they did help me pay for it, I don't want them to. I don't want to have to constantly rely on them for finances. I'm 20 years old. I should be pretty independent right about now. I'm going to try and get a student loan, but my mom just informed me of something horrible that could keep me from getting one. Never having to apply for a student loan before I was unaware that only people with parents with a certain income can be eligible for a student loan. I probably don't make the cut (no, I'm not saying it's a bad thing that my parents make money). I was relying on the ability to get a student loan to pay for this trip as well as all the money I saved over the summer. If that doesn't happen then I'm screwed. And what if I do get the loan and I'm ready to go, but the Italian government doesn't want to grant me a visa because they don't like my last name because it's dutch?! That would suck! I know that sounds ridiculous, but those are honestly some of the things that have been running through my mind ever since I came out of that meeting on Wednesday.
On top of that all of these unexpected things keep happening. My professor wasn't clear on which book to buy so I bought the wrong one and it was really expensive and I can't find the receipt ANYWHERE! And I only have a few days left that I can get a full refund. And I had to go get my car because it was towed without any warning so that some low-life, inbred, inarticulate, redneck hick could tailgate in the spot that I originally paid $108 for. So I got to cry out of frustration in front of three men I don't even know and then hand over my check card so that they could take away 65 of the dollars that was supposed to go to the Study Abroad fund.
Needless to say I just had a really intense college-hating moment today. The first football game starts in about an hour and fifteen minutes. I should probably decide whether I even want to go or not even though I probably won't get a seat because everyone and their mom (literally. It's parent week) will be in attendance.
This has been a really complainey, mopey post. Sorry about that and thank you (really) if you've made it this far.
Current musical obsession: Nina Jankowicz. She is so freaking awesome. I wish I had her piano skills. Her voice is really amazing too. I can seriously see her becoming really famous because she is SO talented. You should definitely check her out and get her CD because it's awesome. OK, I'll stop fangirling.
Reading: Arc of Justice. It's a book set in the 20s an it's supposed to be really good. I think it will be when I get a little farther along. It's a little slow getting started. I really like the 20s though. It's one of the three assigned books for my post Civil War History class.
The lunch I had just now resembled that of an 8 year old day camper's. Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, cut diagonally. Goldfish, a crunchbar, and a Hi-C Orange LavaBurst juice box. Yeah.
