Right, so as of 3 minutes ago there are now 588 days 'til I move to London. I thought I would just post about London since my friend just recently visited there and posted pictures and became jealous. Also because I keep listening to Frank Sinatra's version of A Foggy Day in London Town.
So, I've been having a rather difficult time in school as of late. I've just been wondering if those 500+ days were even possible to get through and I seriously considered for about the 4th time this semester alone about dropping out. I thought about this because I just couldn't really stand it here in Lubbock. It's just so ugly and apart from the few people I like, I really hate everyone here. With there unnecessarily big trucks and ugly accents and boots and cowboy hats. It's just ridiculous and I was getting so sick of it. And then school itself was just becoming overwhelming. I missed Florence so much and being there and being able to take my quiet walks alone across the Arno to get a bagel. I missed the cobblestone streets which, before had been the cause of my injured feet. I missed Italians and their yelling and honking and crazy driving. I even missed the tourists with their silly, unattractive tourist clothes and the fact that I was able to call a city that drew so many of them my home.
I started wondering if I could just leave school, drop everything, hop on a plane and move there. Maybe I could get a job in a pub as a line cook or a waitress or something. And get a small, albeit shitty flat. But I would be happy. Because I would be there.
Well in the end I decided that, even though it is painful, and just plain cruel of the world, but I have to stay here. Stay here and get my degree. When I walk across that stage I will have 38 days left. And then I can leave. I'll have the summer that I can work and save up last minute money and then I'll be off. I'll be one of the few in my family who will have graduated in four years and I'll be the second that has gone off far far away. My sister moved to New York straight after her graduation but she came back to Texas after two years. Not me though. I'm there for the long haul. For good. And then my life will have started.
I quite like the idea of completely uprooting myself. At this point in my life I'm quite apathetic. Both about my relationships and school in general. I'm basically doing enough to get my degree and that's it. No extra. Cause, I'm not a Ravenclaw or an overachiever. I just really like the idea of moving somewhere completely different and staying there. Not many people do that or want to do that.
I'm not saying I'm special. In fact I'm saying I'm weird. I don't actually know what's wrong with me but I just don't care anymore. Nothing can really keep me here. Nothing and no one. Maybe I'm just a really horrible person. I kind of like it though. Not caring. It's a very nice change from what I usually am. A blubbering mess because I care too much and don't know how I will possibly ever say goodbye to everyone. Now I just don't give a shit and want more than anything to leave and never come back. I would honestly be completely OK with not ever seeing some of the people that are in my life ever again. People I once cared so much about and would do anything for. I finally realised that they aren't actually that great and not worth giving up everything for. Kind of like Margo in Paper Towns. Now, I'm not claiming to be anywhere near as cool as she is. But like her, I've realised that I just need a change. A permanent one. To completely uproot myself. A different experience and different life. I can literally be anyone I want to be. Like myself for a change.
Plans:
I suppose I have to have some sort of plan for living there. For fitting in there and making my life and such. So I'm signing up for British history classes so that I know about British history in more detail. I am currently trying to convert myself to Celsius. Next comes the metric system (fucking America and it wanting to be different from everyone else! If you're an American you've basically been screwed over and it will now be harder for you to go to different places outside of the US. Fun, huh?). I would like to take a course in British politics cause I find it all a bit confusing so I'll have to see if Tech offers something like that. Then that's it. I'm basically going to do that so that I can know as much as possible about being a British citizen before actually coming one.
I'm not exactly sure of the process of becoming a citizen of any country, whether it's a test or an oath or a blood pact or what have you. I just know that I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'm looking that up right now actually. I'm a bit ahead of myself and clicked to read about the Citizenship Ceremony. Sounds exciting!
If it's a test then I am going to pass that test so hard that Her Royal Highness, the Queen herself is going to be like, 'Let's you and I have tea and we can discuss how you should have been British this whole time'. And I'll be like, 'yes, let's do that'.
I just can't wait to live there! To have my own Oyster Card with my FACE on it and have to ride into the city every day for my job and ride back again with groceries in hand and cat food for Vito. I wonder how he's going to like London. I'm sure he won't really care where he is as long as there is an abundance of food and another boy cat (I am about 99% sure he's gay. No, really. He totally is.)
I'll walk down the busy streets on the pavement in my khaki overcoat, umbrella hanging around my wrist. Chef's coat on underneath, on my way to work. It will have just rained the night before so there will be puddles to dodge and it will be cold and still have that damp, heavy feeling in the air. But the sun will be overhead. Right in my eyes probably as it will be the morning when I'm walking to work, in the direction of Parliament and the clock tower. Taxi cabs, Citrogens, Fords, Pugots, Audis and cars of every kind, passing me as I walk on the pavement. Businessmen on mobiles, talking importantly as they pass me, walking in the opposite direction. People walking out of side stores with Costa Coffees in hand, trying to juggle their briefcases, newspapers and umbrellas as they rush to the office or back to their car. Passing red telephone booths, buses, and post boxes.
So there you have it! Only 588 days, 22 hours, and 49 minutes to go! I think I can make it. And when it finally does happen it'll just be that much more sweet since I fought through so much time to make it.
'The sun was shiniiiiiiiiiinnng E-everywheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr!'
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